Fight For The Outback Vampire
by Ixel202
Summary: Edward is sticking his tongue out at people while wearing a cowboy hat. Bella is falling all over girls. Jacob is obsessed with yellow poka dot bikinis.
1. Chapter 1

**Ixel202: So I decided to post this story from my profile along with Bleach15's profile so enjoy!! **

**Bleach15: Hello! Okay so I came up with an idea to make a parody of the Twilight series with my two of my best friends. This story is going to be very strange just to warn you and the chapters will be written by me or one of my friends.**

**I'm going to be writing from Edward's point of view, Ixel202 will be writing Bella's, and XxDrTenmaxX will be writing Jacob's. **

**Please R&R and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: we do not own anything Chapter 1**

**Edward's P.O.V.**

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There were many times that I wished I could just kill myself. And as I listened to the monotone voice of my chemistry teacher, I decided this was one of those times.

I didn't even notice that I was tapping my pencil on the desk until the girl in front of me gace me a nasty look. I stuck my tongue out at her, watching in amusement as her face contorted in rage before she turned around to listen to the lecture once more.

"-and when the hydrogen molecules bond with…"

I turned around to look at the clock. Only five stupid minutes until this retched class ends. I looked down and made eye contact with the boy behind me. His name was Jacob Black I think, and when he noticed that I was staring at him he waved happily, and turned back around feeling more awkward in this class of humans than ever before.

_God if you can hear me. Please send me an angel to put me out of my misery_, I begged staring at the ceiling.

A girl entered the room at that same instant I thought those words. She looked normal enough at a first glance, but as her smell drifted to my side of the room seconds later. I knew from that point on- I had to eat her!

My hands gripped the desk in an attempt to stop myself. Don't eat her! Don't eat her! Don't eat her!

God I said an angel not a snack in high heels!

The teacher paused halfway through her lecture when she saw the girl fidgeting in the doorway. "Oh this is our new student," the teacher told the class with fake excitement. "Everyone say hello to Bella Swan."

"Hi," everyone said in simultaneous bored greetings.

"Hello!" she squeaked trying not to make eye contact with anyone.

"The teacher searched the room for an empty seat and spotted one.

Next to me!

Crap!

Gesturing in my direction the teacher said, "Alright Bella you can take the seat next to Edward."

No!

"Okay," she looked up and met my now onyx eyes. Even from this distance I could tell that she gulped nervously. She walked tentatively over to her new seat, and almost made it, but what neither of us expected was when she tripped over her own feet.

Bella yelped reaching out to grab the closest thing to her.

To bad "that thing" was me.

"S-sorry," she stammered removing her arms from around my neck.

My jaw clenched, and I chose not to respond. I was on the brink of killing her.

She sat down and for the rest of class; she flicked her hair constantly, shielding her face from my view. Each time her scent would stun me, bringing me closer and closer to snapping.

The soft wood of the desk beneath my fingers broke and I quickly molded it back into a hard shape like it was clay. Then I smashed it back into place, hoping no one would notice.

How much time had passed, a minute? Two minutes? An eternity? Crap will this suffering ever end?

Ring!

I grabbed my things and bolted out of the classroom faster than anyone could react to the bell ringing. Against my will I found my golden eyes shifting back to the girl one last time, just as she stood up and tripped over nothing again, falling onto the girl that had glared at me during class. The both ended up on the floor with Bella on top.

With a smirk, I rounded the corner, heading towards 4th hour.

My name: Edward Cullen

Occupation: High School Student

Species: Vampire

Obsession: The new girl at school

Background info: Born in Australia, raised in Texas, and currently living in Forks Washington.

Something interesting about myself: I hear voices in my head. (I'm not crazy…… I think?)


	2. Chapter 2

**XxDrTenmaxX: Hi i'm XxDrTenmaxX and i want you to know that i loves jacob and have nothing against homosexual people. enjoy!!**

**Bleach 15: I don't really have anything to tell you guys about, so I guess just R&R and enjoy Jacob's version of chapter 1.**

**Please review!!!**

**Disclaimer: We don't own anything.**

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**Chapter 2**

**Jacob's P.O.V.**

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It was moments like this that Jacob Black wished he could just melt away and disappear through the cracks in the floor. He sat in his Chemistry class listening to the unenthusiastic voice of his young, fresh-out-of-college teacher. It was hard to pay attention to something you cared very little about. However; these days Jacob found it very hard to pay attention to anything. He frequently found himself deep in thought about people and things he didn't want to think about.

Times like these he found his thoughts wandering away from him into the mind of someone else making him think thoughts he didn't want to think about. It was times like these he wished that the guy sitting in front of him didn't have such amazing features. Even from the back Edward Cullen was gorgeous.

_Stop Jacob!! Just stop thinking that right now!_ His mind was screaming to him. He knew deep down these feelings were wrong but they somehow felt so right to him.

Once again he found himself drawn to Edward's beauty. His muscles were so pronounced under his tight long sleeve t-shirt, bulging out underneath the flimsy cotton. His bronze hair was short and shaggy, framing his face, which looked as if it had been chiseled from stone.

His seemingly perfect body slumped in his chair, head propped up on one of his gorgeous hands, and leaning slightly forward over the table, ravenously tapping his pencil on the side of his desk. This caught the attention of the girl in front of Edward, who turned around scowling. Clearly deep in thought and unaware of what he was doing, Edward snapped back into reality and stuck his tongue out at the girl.

Jacob found himself jealous of the girl who seemed to be even slightly worthy of a flick of Edward Cullen's tongue. It wasn't fair.

_Shut up Jacob!!! You're not like that, you're not! It's not right..._

At the very moment that Jacob went into a battle with his mind, Edward shifted in his chair moving around slowly to gaze at the clock on the back wall. Even Jacob noticed how graceful it was, how smoothly his body twisted and how his hair barely moved and inch in this slight movement.

His golden eyes stared at the clock and a wave of relief swept over his face. There was only a few minutes left in class and Jacob had plans to chat with Edward as soon as this class ended. Very slowly Edwards gaze moved, settling his brilliant eyes on Jacob's locking them for just a moment. Jacob seized the moment, lifting his hand to wave and smiled widely. But his gesture was returned with a slightly disgusted glance. What had he done wrong?

Just as Edward turned back around in his seat, an awkward looking girl stepped in the classroom, standing in the doorway looking as if she would rather not be seen.

"Oh, this is our new student." exclaimed our teacher, still with little enthusiasm, "Everyone say hello to Bella Swan."

"Hi," said the class in a bored monotone voices.

"Hello," Bella squeaked continuing to stand awkwardly in the doorway.

"Alright Bella, you can take the seat next to Edward," said the teacher, turning back around to continue writing on the white board and go on about tomorrow's lesson.

"Okay," Bella finally moved from in front of the door, making her way clumsily over towards Edward, who looked utterly afraid and somewhat hungry. All of a sudden she tripped, taking hold of Edward's neck so as not to fall. Jacob was once again jealous of the fact that she got to wrap her arms around his perfect neck.

"S-sorry," she quietly stammered removing her arms and moving to sit down in her seat.

A short while later the bell sounded, and before I had the chance to say anything, Edward collected his things and bolted from the room with the kind of speed that would make an Olympian track runner blush. Bella once again stood clumsily and tripped over her own feet, taking down the girl closest to her, leaving them both on the floor, Bella on top.

Name: Jacob Black

Occupation: High School Student

Species: I don't even know my sexuality!

Obsession: Hard to admit, but Edward Cullen

Background Info: Lived in La Push my whole life

Something interesting about me: I have no idea...


	3. Chapter 3

**Ixel202: My turn... The world sucks...**

**Bleach15: HELLO! I'm so excited for this!**

**XxDrTenmazxX: I like cows. A lot.**

**Disclaimer: definitely own Twilight. **

**Bella's P.O.V**

Oh no, it's a new first day of school. What am I going to do? I hate school so much. I'm so clumsy and horny all the time and it gets me into trouble every time I go to school. I was walking towards my biology classroom when I tripped over my shoelaces.

"God dammit, why do I not know how to tie my shoes. I'm just too stupid to learn" Bella exclaimed while picking herself up from the floor. As she continued her long journey down the hall she thought of her beautiful hair. It was just so pretty and shiny. Bella worked everyday for two hours straight on making her hair look perfect.

Bella finally made it to the door and took a deep breath before she turned the brass knob.

"...and when the molecules bond with... Oh, this is our new student," the teacher exclaimed with barely concealed boredom "Everyone say hello to Bella Swan."

"Hi," the class greeted me in a chorus of bored voices.

"Hello," I squeaked while internally smacking myself on the forehead.

The teacher pointed to an empty chair next to a bronze haired god wearing a cowboy hat, "Alright Bella you can take the seat next to Edward." She said while pointing in the direction of the God.

Yes!

"Okay," I replied while staring into the black eyes of the bronze God. He was so pretty. I attempted to walk towards him gracefully except I tripped over my shoelaces. Again. Damn shoelaces.

I yelped while grabbing the closest thing to me. Which happened to be Edward's dick.

"S-sorry," I whispered to him. I wasn't really sorry. His dick felt nice and warm. It even hardened under my hand. I wish I had squeezed that baby.

After that yummy encounter I sat down at the desk. I decided to let the God be introduced to the perfectness of my hair, so I started flicking my hair back and forth. I noticed the God smacking the desk. My hair must have given him a boner and he was trying to get his frustration out. Job well done for Bella.

Eventually the bell rang for the end of class. The bronze god grabbed his things and bolted out of class faster than everybody else. He must be running to the bathroom to take care of his 'problem'.

As I was getting out of my seat I tripped on the legs of my stool. I fell down to the ground while taking the hot girl standing next to the desk with me. I landed on top of her and I must say she had a hot body. I discreetly grabbed her boob while winking at her. She moaned while grinding against my leg.

I think I'm going to like this new school.

My name: Bella Swan

Occupation: Horny High School Student

Species: Human

Obsession: My perfect hair. The bronze God at school. And the hot girl that I landed on top of.

Background info: Born in Forks. Raised in Arizona. Back in Forks to live with my Dad. Might just have some fun here though...

Something interesting about myself: I'm horny... and clumsy.


End file.
